Have you watched the full video of Dean's "Scream" sequence?
He was clearly trying to motivate his audience. So he started by saying "we're going to go on to..." and named a couple of states.
The audience cheered.
So he named more (we Wisconsinites were hurt that he didn't name our frozen state...). The crowd cheered louder.
So he got red faced and really got into it.
Then at the end, look at his eyes. He glanced at the audience, got a twinkle, then did his scream.
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This reminds me of something that happened to me just last week. I was in front of a small audience of women from my church for whom I have the deepest respect (and who supposedly have respect for me). I was trying to say something funny (always a bit of a struggle for me...) and was a bit excited in the process.
Unfortunately, just as I said something, I changed my mind. Out came the first half of one word, and the second half of another, which, when combined in that way, sound like a swear word.
Now, to understand this, you need to know that I don't swear, period. It's not part of my vocabulary, even my thought process.
So I was as shocked as these women were to hear that word come out of my mouth. In fact, I was mortified. For many, this would be no big deal, but for me, since it so opposite my character, this was a big deal.
What do I do now?
I immediately apologized, saying that I didn't mean to say that and that I was trying to say something else.
Not good enough.
And then to make matters worse, they started poking fun at my embarrassment.
So I decided to call upon my reputation with them ("you know me, I never swear") then made a small joke at my expense and went on.
Fortunately, there were no cameras around, so I don't have to go to the extent of Howard Dean to recover myself.
But this situation has created a great deal of thought in my mind. What got me into this situation?
I realized that Howard's gaffe and mine had several commonalities:
1. We were in front of an audience
2. We both were showing off a bit
3. We weren't thinking of the consequences of our words
4. We both were surprised in the end by what came out.
Now this is going to sound like a blinding glimpse of the obvious, but the lesson that I learned from this experience was one that I think many of us need to keep in mind.
Most of us are pretty powerful people, whether through position, personality, knowledge or desire. People tend to listen to what we say. And sometimes they even change their lives or take action based on what we say. At a minimum, the things we say influences their attitude towards us and what we represent.
Many of us also have the ability to build or tear down people with a single phrase, or even with the expression that we use in making that comment.
This is amplified when we get in front of an audience, and especially when we're showing off. Unfortunately, that's when we tend to get on a roll, and start making decisions that due to their real-time nature, don't have a great deal of thought behind them. So the words we say aren't what we wished we would have said.
The other time this comes into play is when we get angry, depressed, or feel under attack.
So the blinding lesson?
These are the very times when we must put extra controls on our tongues, only saying things that we have carefully thought out in advance.
How many times have we hurt someone deeply (a spouse, a child, a friend) in a moment of anger as we've said things that could have been phrased differently?
How many times have we put our foot in our mouth while showing off (remember high school)?
How does this apply to PR?
There are many times when the stress of speaking with a reporter, being on camera, or facing a tough situation with others present creates the same kinds of stress that tend to make us say things that we regret later.
That's why it is so important to carefully consider, then rehearse and refine our key statements before we enter into the stressful situation. Far too few people do that.
And, if you hit a situation where you are beyond the bounds of your forethought, simply pass on the situation, shut up, and come back to it later.
That's hard.
And I'm speaking as much to myself here as to you. This is actually part of one of my New Year's Resolutions for the year.
I hope you find some value in this gentle reminder too...
Need help in knowing how to handle the stress when the cameras start rolling? Check out our new audio CD - "How To Ace Your Next TV Appearance" which deals with some of these very issues. You'll find some great answers and coaching there.
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