June 30, 2006
What's That Again? How To Have A Long Marriage...
Here's an announcement about a 40th wedding anniversary:
"Mr. And Mrs. Ron Tennell of Flat Rock are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. She is taking a trip to Europe while he will be gambling on a riverboat in southern Indiana."
Isn't it nice to see a close couple? :<)
Posted by Don Crowther at 06:57 PM | TrackBack
June 26, 2006
What's That Again - Please Drive Safely
A recent study designed to measure whether people perceived men or women to be safer drivers came up with an interesting answer:
"As a passenger, I feel safer with:
35% a male driver
23% a female driver
42% other"
What's an other? Apparently, whatever they are, they drive really safely!
Posted by Don Crowther at 02:09 PM | TrackBack
January 26, 2006
What's That Again? Hurry Up And Die
Here's part of an ad run by the ICS Cremation Society during December of last year:
"Due to our increased cost of providing services, our charges for cremation will be increasing in January. We encourage you to take advantage of today's price ($795.00)."
Quick, die now so that you can capitalize on our special and get cremated before the end of the year!
Posted by Don Crowther at 05:04 PM | TrackBack
December 15, 2005
What's That Again? Clueless Judges
Isn't it odd how some judges just don't seem to think about the sentences they give?
Here's one example:
A judge sentenced a man, who had committed the crime of setting his parent's house on fire twice in less than three months, to...
House arrest
In his parent's home.
Oh, I bet his parents were thrilled to hear that! "Look honey, little Billy's moving home again, how sweet!"
And one more that I can't resist, from the "only in Wisconsin" file. Our governor is proposing to help some families pay for their high energy bills this winter. The headline read...
"Governor will help people with gas"
Posted by Don Crowther at 06:51 PM | TrackBack
November 22, 2005
What's That Again? Let's Do Lunch
This is the text of an actual ad run in Neillsville, WI
"What are you doing for lunch?
Cremation Seminar..."
I don't care if the lunch IS free!
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:49 PM | TrackBack
October 07, 2005
What's That Again? Airplane Crash
From a newspaper article titled
Safety Board Investigates Fatal Crash:
"So far they have determined that the crash occurred when the plane struck the ground..."
I wasn't there, and I didn't see it, but I could have told them that!
Posted by Don Crowther at 04:57 PM | TrackBack
September 08, 2005
What's That Again? Bag of Shoes
This is the actual text of a want ad placed in Philippi, WV
"Large bag of shoes -- different sizes, no pairs, make offer or trade for a snorkel."
What are the odds of finding someone who actually wants a bag of unmatched shoes, who is willing to either pay for them or who happens to have an extra snorkel laying around, living in Philippi, West Virginia?
But then again, stranger things have happened!
Posted by Don Crowther at 12:07 PM | TrackBack
August 26, 2005
What's That Again? Interpreter For The Deaf
The following announcement was recently run in the newspaper:
Mime at YA City Hall
The Young America Library has scheduled Michael Hennessy, a mime who studied with Marcel Marseau, to perform Friday at 3 p.m. at the Young America City Hall. There will be an interpreter for the hearing impaired.
Ah... our tax dollars at work!
Posted by Don Crowther at 02:55 PM | TrackBack
July 21, 2005
What's That Again? Dustbusters On The Dashboard
From The Salt Lake Tribune:
"'They told me that if I put a dustbuster in my car I wouldn't get a ticket'
"An elderly Utah motorist pulled over for speeding by Sgt. Larry Wehrli who found a vacuum on the dashboard of her car. Her family members had suggest she obtain a "fuzzbuster" radar detector to warn her of cops."
Posted by Don Crowther at 10:03 AM | TrackBack
March 30, 2005
What's That Again? Ads We Enjoyed
Here's a few ads we liked:
"Wooden casket hand made, solid, heavy, turns into a picnic table."
I can think of more appetizing ways to maximize the value of my purchases...
"Electric double bed, hardly used (no one died in it). $1300."
No comment's necessary.
"Heating Oil
$1.79/Gallon
We always beat our competition's prices, in most cases."
Really, that's what the ad says!
and finally,
From a grocery ad:
"Cheese Hurls
99 Cents"
Sounds like a spring break kind of ad to me...
Posted by Don Crowther at 09:36 AM | TrackBack
January 15, 2005
What's That Again? Unconscious Tree
One key element of police blotters is that the need to report everything as they experience it. Here's a couple of examples that you may find interesting:
"Tree down, 5:45 p.m.: The sheriff's department reported a tree lying unconscious in the road on Carpenterville Road."
We tried to revive it, but the tree was just unconscious!
Or this one:
"Donuts were reported loitering in a field on Opening Hill Road."
You know that loitering is serious crime - we're just going to have to confiscate these donuts...
Posted by Don Crowther at 10:41 AM | TrackBack
December 23, 2004
What's That Again? Honey, Mama's Mad At Me!
From Hammond Florida, we get the following newspaper report:
"A man who said he forgot he had brought his mother home for the holidays shot her Monday morning, thinking she was an intruder, authorities said.
"The 76-year-old woman later told deputies she was angry at her son for shooting her."
Can you imagine what that emergency room conversation went like?
Good thing he's not a very good shot!
Posted by Don Crowther at 07:25 PM | TrackBack
November 22, 2004
What's That Again? Brain Removal Study
Count on one of my local papers, the award-winning Kenosha News, to tag a normal story with an baffling headline:
"Brain removal study finds few volunteers"
Hmm, I wonder why?
Posted by Don Crowther at 12:59 PM | TrackBack
October 20, 2004
What's That Again? Leaked Memo
You know that things aren't quite right when you see the following headline:
"Leaked Memo Warns Against Leaking Memo"
I guess that was one memo that was too tempting to the leaker...
Posted by Don Crowther at 11:47 AM | TrackBack
October 08, 2004
What's That Again? How Do You Really Feel?
Here's an interesting one from an actual phone book. You can't help but wonder if this particular listing for the IRS might not have been an accidental misspelling:
"Interanal Revenue Service"
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:20 PM | TrackBack
October 01, 2004
What's That Again? Personal Ads and Sushi
I forgot to include the What's That Again section in last week's entry, so today you get two!
Here's a personal advertisement:
"PIG
I saw you at Tiki Bobs. You grabbed my b^tt and I told you that if you did that again, I'd kill you. You did., I need your address now." (followed by contact information.)
I bet that one generated great results!
Here's the name of a Sushi restaurant in the Toronto area:
"IKKI Sushi"
Some names just don't translate well!
Posted by Don Crowther at 03:19 PM | TrackBack
September 10, 2004
What's That Again? Headlines
Here's a couple of actual headlines and a story that recently caught my interest:
"Tick discovered in Sierra Madre dog" - A headline that's a definite sign you live in a very small town...
"Man shoots self while hunting mushrooms" - Where I come from, you don't need a gun for this, a knife will usually do the job.
"Bologna sandwich spurs truck rollover" - It seems the driver hauling a load of logs rolled the truck while trying to make a sandwich. 80 miles per hour, big Kenworth, making a sandwich, hmmm...
Posted by Don Crowther at 12:46 PM | TrackBack
September 03, 2004
What's That Again? Stolen Land
From a police blotter:
"Theft, a 41-year-old male reported that 7 acres of land were stolen from him between 8:30 p.m. Wednesday and 10:15 a.m. Thursday. The complaint estimated the value of the land to be $140,000."
I can just hear that interview now. "Well it was there when I looked out the window yesterday and now it's just... just... gone!"
Posted by Don Crowther at 04:55 PM | TrackBack
August 27, 2004
What's That Again: Targeting Your Market
An actual headline:
"Firms in Mexico target Hispanics"
I can hear the marketing planning meeting now: "You know, I've been noticing lots of Mexicans around here lately. Perhaps we should consider targeting..."
Posted by Don Crowther at 04:44 PM | TrackBack
August 13, 2004
What's That Again? Truth In Advertising
From the Minneapolis restaurant Yellow Page listings:
"Modern Cafe:
Everyday Special
All You Can Eat For
As Much As It Costs"
Honey, we've got to stop in this restaurant next time we're in Minneapolis! Sounds like a bargain to me!
Posted by Don Crowther at 02:04 PM | TrackBack
August 05, 2004
What's That Again? Proper Usage Of Headlights
This headline was recently run over an advice column's article:
"Darkness is good reason to use headlights"
I didn't know that!
Posted by Don Crowther at 12:12 PM | TrackBack
July 22, 2004
What's That Again? Stupid Criminals
Here's two more from police blotters:
"HyVee, 3800 Lincoln Way, reported June 1 that they believe a male subject had stolen a lobster by putting the lobster down his pants."
Sometimes the crime is worse than the punishment...
Or check this genius out - "As he ran out of the bank, he stuffed the gun into his waistband, accidentally firing it into his pants. The bullet missed him but when he stepped into the street, he was hit by a van, investigators said. Jones managed to stumble to a waiting car, leaving two gold teeth, his gun and a hat lying in the street."
I guess he can say that he a bad day that day.
Posted by Don Crowther at 11:43 AM | TrackBack
July 09, 2004
What's That Again - It Must Be A Guy Thing
From a police blotter column:
Auto Theft: The owner of a $2,000 Oldsmobile station wagon reported to police that his girlfriend had taken his car without permission from the 3800 block of E. Cudahay. The man told police he didn't know the woman's name, though they had been dating for about three weeks.
Posted by Don Crowther at 05:55 PM | TrackBack
June 16, 2004
What's That Again? 9x13 Cake Pan
From an actual classified ad:
"Would like to trade a 9x13 cake pan for a 13x9 cake pan. Call 319-463-...."
Maybe a 9x13 didn't fit in her oven?
Posted by Don Crowther at 05:24 PM | TrackBack
June 10, 2004
What's That Again? A Tribute To Dads
This was taken from a newspaper caption below a picture of a kid out playing hockey on the lake:
"Before taking to the ice with his friends, Peter Lyden, 13, of Denville, says he uses his 300-pound dad to test whether the ice will hold."
Dad's are useful for so many things!
Posted by Don Crowther at 06:35 PM | TrackBack
June 01, 2004
What's That Again? Cause of House Fire
From a newspaper police report:
Residential fire, Loss $4,500. Cause: burning cockroaches in bed with portable torch.
Wouldn't a well-applied shoe sole have been a better idea?
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:21 PM | TrackBack
May 19, 2004
What's That Again? Gift Certificates
Ad in newspaper:
"Cow Manure
Small and Large Truckloads
Gift Certificates Available"
The perfect gift for someone special in your life!
Posted by Don Crowther at 06:26 PM | TrackBack
May 13, 2004
What's That Again? Carding
From a recent police report:
"An 18-year-old man was charged with robbing a 7-11. When he walked in, pulled a gun and demanded money, the employee didn't panic. She calmly said, 'I don't think you're old enough to be robbing us. Don't you have to be at least 16?' The thief then proceeded to pull out his wallet and showed the clerk his driver's license. The clerk quickly memorized the information..."
Some people just don't get it...
Posted by Don Crowther at 05:09 PM | TrackBack
May 05, 2004
What's That Again? Lost Steer
From an actual classified ad:
Lost, Black Angus Steer,
400 lbs. Last seen near
Wallace Bros. BBQ
Reward.
Don't hold your breath - for some reason, I don't think you're getting your cow back!
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:24 PM | TrackBack
April 29, 2004
What's That Again? Police Assistance
From a police incident blotter:
"2:33 PM: C & I: Officer assisted a student by cutting his bike lock.
"2:36 PM: C & I: Student reported his bike stolen. Pending."
Oops!
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:15 PM | TrackBack
April 19, 2004
What's That Again - Dancing In Minefields
Actual newspaper headline:
Dance will help clear minefields
Now, I took dance for many years, and am aware that not everyone likes dancers much, but this seems like it's taking that dislike a bit too far, right?
Posted by Don Crowther at 02:48 PM | TrackBack
April 02, 2004
What's That Again? Everything's Intact
The following announcement ran in the San Mateo County Times On November 22, 2003:
Stolen car found
A stolen vehicle was recovered at the corner of Linden Street and Hillside Boulevard on Thursday. The car was intact except for a missing vinyl top, front and rear seats, air bags, dashboard, transmission, engine and both license plates.
Well, at least they left the rabbit's foot hanging from the rear view mirror!
Posted by Don Crowther at 11:54 PM | TrackBack
March 26, 2004
What's That Again? Fish Sticks
Item recently run in a grocery store ad:
"Mrs. Paul's Dreaded Fish Sticks"
Posted by Don Crowther at 12:19 PM | TrackBack
March 12, 2004
What's That Again? School Mascots
In honor of my kid's high school girl's basketball team winning yet again this morning so now being in the finals in the state tournament, I give you:
My favorite school mascots:
- Beetdiggers of Salt Lake City, UT (Loved playing Jordan River in High School, but their 6' 9" center made me look and feel very inadequate. He didn't even have to jump to block my shots!)
- Nimrods of Watersmeet, MI - I can just hear the opposing team's cheers with this one
- The Banana Slugs, Univ of CA at Santa Cruz (Squash em, squash em, gooooo team)
- The Sagehens of Pomona, CA (The Pomona fight song is "When Cecil Sagehen Chirps" - really)
- Imps of Cary, NC (I love this name!)
- Angoras of Clarkston, GA (now that would be an expensive letter sweater)
- Flivvers of Kingsford, MI (What's a flivver look like?)
- Squirrels of Winslow, AZ (Wonder what is the total weight for their front line?)
- Peglegs of Stuyvesant in New York City (Just don't ask them to run!)
and the award for the most fear inspiring mascot is
- The Dots of Poca, WV
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:11 PM | TrackBack
March 05, 2004
What's That Again? Hose Company Recue
As seen in a police / fire department blotter:
"Cleveland Hill Hose Company assisted a child whose head was stuck in a stair banister on Beach Road. The child's head was removed."
Posted by Don Crowther at 02:02 PM | TrackBack
February 27, 2004
What's That Again? Britney's Fact Checker
When asked about the perks of being famous, singer Britney Spears intoned,
"I get to go to a lot of overseas places, like Canada."
Posted by Don Crowther at 03:23 PM | TrackBack
February 19, 2004
What's That Again? Howard Dean's Wife
This headline appeared several weeks ago in a Vermont Paper:
"Dean appears with his wife, Jimmy Carter"
Sometimes using an "and" works better than a comma. It clarifies things...
Posted by Don Crowther at 01:41 PM | TrackBack
February 13, 2004
What's That Again? Bias In The Judiciary
One of the women currently running in our county for a position as a judge is named, I kid you not, Bias.
Her signs say:
Elect (The print is really small)
Judge (small)
Bias (huge)
Apparently she didn't know that it's fairly easy to change your name - you just have to pay a small fee and go before a judge...
