What's That Again? Unconscious Tree

One key element of police blotters is that the need to report everything as they experience it. Here's a couple of examples that you may find interesting:

"Tree down, 5:45 p.m.: The sheriff's department reported a tree lying unconscious in the road on Carpenterville Road."
We tried to revive it, but the tree was just unconscious!

Or this one:
"Donuts were reported loitering in a field on Opening Hill Road."
You know that loitering is serious crime - we're just going to have to confiscate these donuts...