We have all seen the movies where the main character enters a party. Heads turn, people whisper, drinks fall to the floor from the hands of those who are so enamored by the powerfully dynamic individual with the stylish hairdo and expensive watch. Quickly, this character moves from one end of the room to the other, shaking hands, making deals, and scheduling golf games with every person in the room. Of course, this isn't difficult for them, since everyone in the room jumps at the chance to bask for a moment in the presence of this person. Then the scene ends with the person leaving the room with a flourish that typically involves the exchange of large amounts of money, a fist fight, an amorous encounter, or a security escort.
But, in real life, everyone knows that this never happens! (Hint: Really, this never happens, unless you hang out with politicians and move stars.)
Real life: You've been invited to the event of the year, where you'll hopefully be able to schmooze with some powerful media gurus and other highly influential people who know everyone within a 1000 mile radius. This is your chance to network yourself into some great deals or exposure that you couldn't get otherwise.
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Quiz time . . .
Do you:
A - Hide in the corner, twiddle your thumbs and tap your foot to every song played in the background?
B - Attempt to meet everyone in the room, with the goal of having every one of them walk out with your business card clutched in their hot little hands?
C - Focus on the big shots in the room, ignoring everyone else. After all, aren't the big shots the ones with all of the power?
D - Introduce yourself to a few select individuals and conduct quality conversations that focus on them and their interests, only peripherally discussing business?
What did you answer? If you're "normal", you probably answered B or C. (Actually, if you're normal, you probably spent the whole evening chatting with the three people you already know at the party...not a recommended networking activity!)
Here's where I part company with normality (something my wife thinks happened years ago), as my experience, and that of most of the leading networking experts shows that something else works much better...
I remember a conversation that I had about 18 months ago with a friend of mine.
We were both walking into a key networking cocktail party for our industry. As we approached the door he turned to me and said "I bet I can walk out of here with more people's business cards than you can." I answered, "you're on" then watched him flit from one person to another in the room, literally giving out his card and getting their's within 60 seconds of starting the conversation, only to move on to the next person within another couple of minutes.
I, on the other hand, spent the entire evening in deep conversation with just 3 people.
Obviously, I lost the bet.
But did I?
18 months later, his business is struggling. My business is doing just fine, due in a large part to two of those three relationships that I created that night. And, that evening created not only one of my best friends, but references to dozens of other industry bigshots whom I would never have met otherwise.
The lesson that I've learned over and over again in my career, is that the relationships that make a difference are rarely begun in a 3 minute business card exchange conversation. They almost always take a significant investment in time and truly getting to know someone during the initial meeting.
What most people don't realize is that working a room has nothing to do with meeting everyone. The art of working a room is to create deep, foundational conversations with just a few key people. Trust in a person comes over time.
Here are some tips that could certainly help you:
1. Plan in advance who you want to meet during the activity. If possible, have a mutual friend introduce you, so that you come into the relationship with a good recommendation.
2. Be willing to invest 10 minutes with someone before you decide that they're not worth developing a deeper relationship. You'll be amazed at how often you'll find out something 8 minutes into a conversation that will become the networker's dream that you would have never heard if you would have rejected that person after 3 minutes of discussion.
3. Start with getting to know the person. If you introduce yourself, then jump into a sales pitch, you'll be brushed away faster than the dirt on a hardwood floor. Build a relationship of trust.
4. Focus the conversation on them, not you. People love to talk about themselves. Learn something personal about them - get them talking about their family, their interests, their background, in addition to finding out what they do for a living. This tells them that you care more about them than their business.
5. Think about how you can help your new acquaintances to meet their business or even personal goals. Then tell them how you can help them to do that for free. You're not selling your services / products at this point, you're helping...
6. Once everyone seems to be at ease, don't be afraid to confidently tell them what you do, and pass them more information. If done right, they'll be more than happy to learn more.
The business world can be tough. Quite often, it comes down to who you know and how well you know them. These tips should help you put your best foot forward without tripping over it in a crowded situation. Good luck, and happy partying!
Oh, one more thing - we rarely even try to meet the big shots at parties, other than maybe shaking their hand, for several reasons:
1. They're going to meet hundreds of people that night, and certainly won't be remembering you.
2. They're usually so involved in accepting adulation that they won't even be thinking about the others in the room and how they could work a deal with them.
3. It's usually easier to develop the relationship with the big shot outside of the room through follow ups done the next day reminding them that you met the day before (yes, all you did was shake their hand, but you did meet...) and offering them some idea to help them build their business.
By the way, the answer is 'D'.
These skills take time and effort, but most importantly, they require a mind set of how networking really works. If you'd like to find out more about this key subject visit 101PublicRelations.com's sister site, WinningAtBusiness.com for two additional articles/special reports:
How to Reach Your Business and Career Goals Through Professional Networking
8 Secrets That Will Guarantee You Professional Networking Success
Posted June 25, 2004
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